November 19, 2025
We travelled through Woodville last week and wished that time stood still.
Somewhere in the small town, near Palmerston North, is a woman who has one of the most unique and important gifts in New Zealand.
For $10, Sharon Connolly will give your garden gnome a paint job and touch up. What a talent.
I applaud her, not just for her gnome maintenance, but for using her real name. She could easily have disguised it under a gnome-de-plume.
Now Woodville, in the Tararuas, has an affinity with Ashburton. Locals call it Wood Vegas and it resembles Sin City in Nevada as much as Ash Vegas, further south. Last week its library closed when someone forgot to return the book.
Sharon loves gnomes, their origins and what they symbolize, for which I admire her. For years, when we lived close to Massey University, Jerome the gnome, protected our garden and ensured we had a bountiful harvest.
When we sold, we faced the “battle for the chattel” and Jerome decided to stay. He liked it there.
You see, they play an important role as nocturnal guardians of the earth. In my research, I discovered they protect hidden treasure, watch over forests and maintain the balance of nature. They’d never allow a nitrate emergency in Canterbury.
I’m sure Ashburton’s gnomes help to protect animals and plants. According to Google, gnomes do a brilliant job, yet their contribution isn’t recognised. They deserve a separate listing in our five yearly census.
I’d encourage Ashburton to hold a Gnomerama, as well as a Bookarama. Every six months hundreds of new and pre-loved garden gnomes could be collected and sold to local gardeners to help enrich plant life.
A good friend, Phil Palmer, received six gnomes on his 60th birthday, one for every decade of his life. They now adorn the track to the family bach in Wairarapa.
But gnomes, which originated in 19th century Germany, also have a supernatural attribute. They keep evil spirits away. In a world threatened by despotic leaders and bullies, we need someone to stand up to them. It could be time for the garden gnome to arise and show its true colours.
Cometh the hour, cometh the gnome. That’s why Sharon Connolly plays such an important role. She’s preparing them for the battle ahead.
Kathi and I have wanted to return to Ashburton for some time and maybe we’ll be called to establish the Church of the Garden Gnome.
But let’s rachet down and recognise they don’t have the same reputation they once enjoyed. They’re no longer a status symbol around town. They’re not woke. They’re even ridiculed. No garden tour takes you to a property to view the galaxy of garden gnomes. For them to regenerate the environment, they need to be rehabilitated.
It’s best to start young and introduce a range of Barbi Dolls resembling garden gnomes. I’d call them Sarah and Simon. After all, Simon is Nomis back-to-front.
The alternative is ECan and ECan’t. ECan represents the good gnome while ECan’t threatens people’s gardens and brings evil to the crops.
That’s why people like Sharon are so important to our ecology. She gives them a new lease of life and then sends them to an Elf Camp to improve their diet and wellbeing.
To raise their profile, we must turn to our political leaders. A new generation of gnomes should resemble the people in power and be launched from now through to election year, 2026. I’d like to see gnomes listed as an agenda item when the new Ashburton District Council meets. It would dwarf all other issues. Sir Dave Dobbyn’s Welcome Gnome could be a stirring theme song.
Nationally, Speaker of the House, Gerry Brownlie and Prime Minister, Christopher Luxon, would inspire great gnomes, then there’s Helen Clark, Shane Jones and Matt Doocey.
From another generation, David Lange, Winston Churchill and Rob Muldoon would be perfect.
But there must be a quid pro quo. By giving our leaders greater profile, we demand they take on the responsibilities of the original gnome.
Whatever coalition comes into power next year, they must be guardians of the earth, climate activists and ward off evil spirits.
by Malcolm Hopwood
We travelled through Woodville last week and wished that time stood still.
Somewhere in the small town, near Palmerston North, is a woman who has one of the most unique and important gifts in New Zealand.
For $10, Sharon Connolly will give your garden gnome a paint job and touch up. What a talent.
I applaud her, not just for her gnome maintenance, but for using her real name. She could easily have disguised it under a gnome-de-plume.
Now Woodville, in the Tararuas, has an affinity with Ashburton. Locals call it Wood Vegas and it resembles Sin City in Nevada as much as Ash Vegas, further south. Last week its library closed when someone forgot to return the book.
Sharon loves gnomes, their origins and what they symbolize, for which I admire her. For years, when we lived close to Massey University, Jerome the gnome, protected our garden and ensured we had a bountiful harvest.
When we sold, we faced the “battle for the chattel” and Jerome decided to stay. He liked it there.
You see, they play an important role as nocturnal guardians of the earth. In my research, I discovered they protect hidden treasure, watch over forests and maintain the balance of nature. They’d never allow a nitrate emergency in Canterbury.
I’m sure Ashburton’s gnomes help to protect animals and plants. According to Google, gnomes do a brilliant job, yet their contribution isn’t recognised. They deserve a separate listing in our five yearly census.
I’d encourage Ashburton to hold a Gnomerama, as well as a Bookarama. Every six months hundreds of new and pre-loved garden gnomes could be collected and sold to local gardeners to help enrich plant life.
A good friend, Phil Palmer, received six gnomes on his 60th birthday, one for every decade of his life. They now adorn the track to the family bach in Wairarapa.
But gnomes, which originated in 19th century Germany, also have a supernatural attribute. They keep evil spirits away. In a world threatened by despotic leaders and bullies, we need someone to stand up to them. It could be time for the garden gnome to arise and show its true colours.
Cometh the hour, cometh the gnome. That’s why Sharon Connolly plays such an important role. She’s preparing them for the battle ahead.
Kathi and I have wanted to return to Ashburton for some time and maybe we’ll be called to establish the Church of the Garden Gnome.
But let’s rachet down and recognise they don’t have the same reputation they once enjoyed. They’re no longer a status symbol around town. They’re not woke. They’re even ridiculed. No garden tour takes you to a property to view the galaxy of garden gnomes. For them to regenerate the environment, they need to be rehabilitated.
It’s best to start young and introduce a range of Barbi Dolls resembling garden gnomes. I’d call them Sarah and Simon. After all, Simon is Nomis back-to-front.
The alternative is ECan and ECan’t. ECan represents the good gnome while ECan’t threatens people’s gardens and brings evil to the crops.
That’s why people like Sharon are so important to our ecology. She gives them a new lease of life and then sends them to an Elf Camp to improve their diet and wellbeing.
To raise their profile, we must turn to our political leaders. A new generation of gnomes should resemble the people in power and be launched from now through to election year, 2026. I’d like to see gnomes listed as an agenda item when the new Ashburton District Council meets. It would dwarf all other issues. Sir Dave Dobbyn’s Welcome Gnome could be a stirring theme song.
Nationally, Speaker of the House, Gerry Brownlie and Prime Minister, Christopher Luxon, would inspire great gnomes, then there’s Helen Clark, Shane Jones and Matt Doocey.
From another generation, David Lange, Winston Churchill and Rob Muldoon would be perfect.
But there must be a quid pro quo. By giving our leaders greater profile, we demand they take on the responsibilities of the original gnome.
Whatever coalition comes into power next year, they must be guardians of the earth, climate activists and ward off evil spirits.
by Malcolm Hopwood
